McIlroy / Murray Merge To Form Giant Hairy Ball-Beating Behemoth!

In a totally unexpected development Rory McIlroy and Andy Murray have put their heads together and accidentally created a super mushroom cloud of hair with the amazing ability to hit balls over and into things.  Women everywhere are already bored.

iPope

"This is the Sermon App, this one is the Transubstantiation App, just swipe here and Look!  It's The Body of Christ!  Cool, right?  This one is for turning wine into water, this one automatically calculates penance, this is a gallery of pictures of all your hats, I know!  This is Angry Birds, you'll love it.."

Inspecting the Troops

Oh I get it.  Its a military event so you thought 'I'll just stick on a beret and a military coat'.  If I take you to visit the homeless will you wear plastic bags on your feet?

No, I'll just wear something old that used to belong to someone else, like my engagement ring.

bin shot n leg :(

   ROTFBFGW!

(rolling on the floor bleeding from gunshot wound)

Goodwill Ambassador Embraces Refugees, Refugees Say "Ow".

Wearing her 'sad' face Angelina Jolie met with Syrian refugees and listened to their stories while a passing Red Cross medic tried to insert a drip into her emaciated arm.  Hussein, who had been detained and tortured by goverment forces before fleeing his home, said "That poor lady is starving, we would have had a whip-round for her, but when I had to abandon my home and all my belongings and run with my family for the border carrying my grandmother on my shoulders, I forgot my hat."

Hokey Kokey!

  'It starts with 'You put your left hand in..' 

'This one?  The one with the second-hand engagement ring on it?'

'Its an heirloom and that's up, not 'in! And try not to make it look like a Nazi salute.'



'Why don't I try not to punch you in the face?..

..I can't believe I married you!'



4 Year Old Likened to Famous Cubist Artist Whose Works Were Likened to Those of 'A Four Year Old'

Four year old Aelita Andre has just opened an exhibition of her paintings which sell for up to $10,000 in New York.  Critics are comparing her to Picasso. 

 At the opeining Aelita said ' I like blue best, yellow hurts my tummy'.

Lost & Found Office Seeks Owner of Glasses Found On Beach, So They Can Re-Open Beach.

Richard Bruton Savaged By Bear! ' He Never Saw It Coming.'

Your Kids Hate You.

Problem Solved

Does your thong sometimes cover your tramp stamp? 

Do your jeans sometimes cover your thong?

Jongs! 

Problem Solved!!

Kenny: "Thanks for the €85 billion, now F*** Off."

Taoiseach Enda Kenny told a gathering of Irish ambassadors that he was looking forward to 'waving goodbye' to AJ Chopra, the IMF representative who agreed an €85 billion bailout deal for Ireland.