DIRTY TRICKS AT EURO 2012!

Robert Lewandowski has scored the first goal of Euro 2012 after shouting 'Did you drop that euro?' at the Greek goalkeeper and then heading the ball into the empty net as the Greek team scoured the penalty area for spare change. 


It's going to be a long tournament.

Naughty Children Outnumber Nice Children For First Time

North Pole News reports today that for the first time since records began Santa's list of Naughty Children is longer than the list of Nice Children.  Food additives, television and Justin Bieber have all been cited as possible causes of the increase in obnoxious brats.  According to Santa Claus "All parents think their children are nice but statistics don't lie and neither does Santa's Robin.  The horrible truth is that more children are deserving of a kick up the hole this Christmas than an X-Box"  Mr Claus added that along with filling stockings he would also be carrying an actual stocking filled with batteries for the more extreme cases where he believes a lump of coal just isn't sufficient punishment for deviant behaviour.

The Queen's Speech

A preview of The Queen's Christmas Speech reveals that The Queen calls her historic visit to Ireland 'Amazeballs', her nickname for Pippa Middleton is 'The Arse That Ate Britan' and she ends her speech by doing devil horn fingers while shouting 'I Rule!' as she crosses off pictures of Colonel Ghaddafi and Kim Jong Il on a poster of world leaders in her private bathroom.

Baroness Trumpinton tells Lord King to 'Go Fuck Yourself'

She later apologised saying she meant to say 'Go Fuck yourself Your Lordship'

Aras Prepares to Welcome New President

Staff hoping President Higgins will update their uniforms.

Not everyone happy..

..just heard that Michael D is bringing two dogs.







Pain in The Aras: ELECTION SPECIAL: SCANDAL!!! AT LAST!!!!!

Currently last place in the polls, presedential no-hoper Dana has received another blow to her non-existent chance of becoming Ireland's Next Top President.

It was revealed today that "Dana" is in fact a sleeper agent awaiting activation by her American overlords.  In a statement ""Dana"" said this should not influence people to change their mind about voting for her.  It probably won't.

Foiled again Obama!

Pain in the Aras: Election Special: ELECTION PROMISES

If elected, I will not be making sweet, man-love in the Aras.



If elected, I will look smokin' at all state occasions.

If elected, I will smite my enemies.

Elect me and no one gets hurt.

I mean -  if elected, I won't kill anyone.

Not that I would kill anyone.

I've never killed anyone.